there are two types of people in the world with regards to finding a good bargain, the first pretend they didn’t buy it at a slashed price and walk around all smug like as though they belong to the upper (burnt) crust of society, and the other shout it out loud, boast of how much money they’d saved, take pictures and send it to each other over the Internet and spend 15 minutes going “can you believe how little this cost?”, “noooo … “, “no fuckin’ way!”, “hell, yeah!”, “whoohooo! that’s insane!”, “i know“, “oh my god, you know what this means, right? you can buy one more in a different colour” like you want to have 7 toiletbrushes in 7 different technicolour shades of the rainbow.
of course i belong to the second group. there’s no fun walking around all pretentious and shit about how rich you look and secretly wondering if people have noticed your expensive polka dotted dress is missing a whole dot and that’s why it was at the bottom of a heap of other ostracised pieces of wearable clothing at the Rejects store.
i also know of wealthy people who love their Roleks.
i present to you, my USD1.25 kitchen scale *shines proud Carebear beam into sky*
we also got a beautiful teak, i think, Indonesian table for a steal so that i no longer have to slouch over the screen on the floor like the Hunchback of Desert Sands.
that’s what’s great about some of these industry exhibitions, exhibitors from all over the world converge to display their products for potential buyers (large-scale), and would prefer to sell their displays/samples off than spend the extra money to ship these goods back to their countries.
there was one purchase i wasn’t too pleased about, i got suckered into buying these shoes despite the screaming nooooooooooo welling up from deep within my cavernous soul. they were USD9 and i’m never gonna use it. there was something sooooo sad about the lady’s face that pushed me to buy it, and now i’m going, wtf, dali, wtf. on the other hand, there aren’t too many carved, sequined wooden shoes in Dubai. at least when i’m stranded on a sand dune somewhere and freezing my ass off at night, i can use it for firewood, right? right. the curse of buyer’s remorse, justifying the purchase, then denial, then anger, then acceptance. and for you fashionistas shaking your heads in disgust, those sequins are motherofpearlish, not green/purple.
why, dali, why?
which brings me to the next Topic of Pride i need to talk about, the picture above was taken by my very, very, very beautiful Nokia N73 in silver/plum no less. i’d share more pictures but the only other pictures in my phone at the moment are of Ravi passed out like a hibernating grizzly whose last meal was ham wrapped in marijuana leaves on the sofa while watching Keeping Up Appearances. makes losing my Motorola V3 to a dishonest cabbie all the more worthwhile, even after the tiring 2m sprint after the cab.
the phone however, was not bought on a bargain and Ravi has threatened to cut my allowance for the next six months which he will not do if he wants to sleep in peace and wake up with his testicles still attached to his body. have made a promise to self that when in a fit of rage, that i would throw Ravi’s Dopod 838 on the wall instead of my little metallic delight, like i’d done with all my previous phones and a pair of $200 Jill Stuart glasses after conversations with The Patriarch. i’d find any excuse to destroy the phone which shocks me out of dreamland at least 20 times every morning. flying to 10 different countries to assassinate idiots who don’t understand the concept of time difference and how we are still asleep you muthafuckas is far costlier and riskier. Ravi not switching his phone off is a totally different story altogether, because if they can’t get in touch with him, they will, by default, screw something up.
we are having issues with alarm clocks. i cannot have a clock that ticks because some dormant, violent monster within me awakes when i try to sleep with tick-tick-tick-tick-tick within earshot. Ravi however, suffers from Motherclock Complex and loves the tick-tick-tick-tick-tick of alarm clocks and falls asleep within seconds. the fact that he falls asleep within seconds anywhere without giant tick-tocks is irrelevant to him. i fear, my friends, this is a struggle for power over the bedside tables. but i think the message was clear one night when i got up, reached across, grabbed his clock and threw it on the floor and screamed, “DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!” i think i have the perfect solution, we will get this digital clock and record the sound of Ravi’s phone vibrating 20x so we can wake up to the familiar sound of global stupidity and indifference to time zones.
meanwhile, you know that ’60s theory that everyone on the planet is connected by a mere 6° of separation? all of us, yes, you and i, can finally participate in an experiment that does not require the removal of a healthy kidney. all you have to do is sign up here with Columbia and find a way to close the chain to the target person assigned to you. apparently my target is about 256° away because none of the links i’ve provided so far have reached her.
none of my friends are in secondary school anymore, but back then, i’d say we wished we had these to hide our pagers and CD players in. of course when the book beeps in front of the discipline mistress like mine did, your cover’s totally blown and good luck explaining why in the world your book beeps. the question now is, will this deter would-be iPod thieves?
on news closer to home, it seems global warming’s wreaked havoc on weather everywhere, including Dubai and Singapore. it should rain only 2/3x a year here in Dubai, but it’s been raining every 2nd day and suddenly everyone needs to own a really huge plastic sheet or an umbrella. in Singapore, a friend brought my attention to this article and i wonder if my favourite shophouse is now debris all over Tong Watt Road. we used to live but a few metres away from this row of derelict, abandoned and mysteriously beautiful shophouses and this particular shophouse was my favourite.
i miss the musky smell of mouldy shophouses and Spize’s mee goreng pattaya (i didn’t take this mee goreng shot, kudos to she who did).