finally, after almost a year, i’ve stepped foot into a gym. we have two gyms in the building, one for Ladies Only. i love chivalry (or sexism, whichever end of the see-saw you sit on). unfortunately, no elliptical machines gentle on my arthritic knees in sight, so i briskwalked on the treadmill for an hour. Ladies Only has more television sets (7) than it does machines, but all the machines available were new-ish and all that one needs to keep fit. 75sqm all to myself while there were 5 men and 2 women in the other gym! i love the Middle East.
today, i find that the word “friend” has been whored and corrupted by confused people, superficial halfwits and name-droppers. for me, the word “friend” is synonymous with love, honour (fine, call me archaic) and veracity. i do occasionally refer to those i view as acquaintances as “yeah, she’s a friend” if i don’t mind lending her $100 i might never see again. it’s just the way the world is today.
i value my friends. and by this, i mean i deeply love, respect and adore few people in my life who aren’t blood related or forced into marriage with me. i’m a Taurus, but i’d like to think of my fidelity and fierce love towards my friends more as the inevitable culmination of years of learning through the evolution of hundreds of friendships and acquaintancerafts, rather than a byproduct of the alignment of planetary bodies in the galaxy during the exact second i shot out of Momma’s cervix.
i know, and am hence extremely lucky, that the love, trust and respect are mutual between us. that we’ve allowed ourselves to say “i love you” (much to the worry of Ravi who thinks i’m gonna leave him one day for a lesbian Monica Belluci lookalike) and that there is little need to mention the obvious about most of the subjects we talk of – “that this stays between the two of us”.
but most importantly, it’s the startling honesty and candour between us that i treasure. whether we’re comparing the colour and texture of our stool or making our stand/s clear on religion, global warming or politics, i know that i can count on my tight circle of friends to give me enough personal space to grow without jealousy, mockery or obstructionism, or to wag a finger at me before i make/repeat mistakes i’d regret.
i’d mentioned once to a friend who was bitching about an acquaintance who didn’t know better despite the glaring circumstances she was in, that i hope to God that the people i love will slap me on my wrist if i were so stupid, ignorant, blind or worse, arrogant. i strongly believe that if we love someone, we’d want the best for him, that we’d share part of ourselves so he can climb and it should be accorded back in return.
i do not count sycophants as my friends. or ridiculous (hilarious, from my point of view) people who constantly engage in meaningless (one-sided) duels of oneupmanship. or people who need you in their lives so you can lick their wounds for them constantly – they don’t really want your advice, they just want to feel good/better about themselves and need you to kiss their ass or they simply cannot exist nu-uh. you cannot be friends with one who is unable or refuses to open up one’s heart to possibilities or pain. and not especially those who cannot hear the truth about themselves.
i don’t get it.
don’t you want to better yourself, elevate your consciousness to a higher level so you can achieve (hence contributing) more? i thought it was simple mathematics.
you know those people who are afraid to hold a mirror to themselves? or worse, look in the mirror and are delusional? or those who desperately need advice, then reject it? and you get the sense that when you break something gently to them about a part of themselves that needs to be relooked, that they are wee-wee-weeeing like squealing pigs all the way home?
they, i don’t get.
because from what i know, there is a difference between a critical judgment as an attack and a nudge from someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth.
i know for sure that i prefer the S&M friendship than one where wound-licking detrimental to self-reflection or betterment is the highlight of the day.
and boy am i grateful for the spiked paddles in my life.