i have an addictive personality and have had to deal with all kinds of ridiculous life-threatening addictions all my life. chocolates have singlehandedly locked my stomach in an eternal state of flubbiness, Lifesavers have made the most dire life situations manageable, Mentos chewable dragees keep my jaws strong, shiny surfaces keep my wrists slim because i just can’t see a fingerprint/mark on them, and then, and then there’s 24.
as a hormonally charged pre-teen/teen, Kiefer Sutherland was The One. he was a courageous and charming Musketeer, a sexy pistol-wielding cowboy in Young Guns, a wildly insane medical student willing to take risks and oh my God, who can resist getting dried out by a thirsty, flying hot tamale vampire?
Toms, Keanus, Brads, Emilios came and went, but i pined after Kiefer. i got mad when people spelled his name Keifer. my primary schoolmates thought i was crazy cos they said Kiefer looked like their uncles or fathers. in some ways, Kiefer was my first (tv) love. he isn’t conventionally good looking, but that badboy streak, that streetwiseness he portrays is oh-so-fucking-sexy. give me a man who’s smooth with a sword with feathers in his hat and i would submit my virginity on a silver plate. i wanted to bear his button-nosed children and protect him from my pickaxe wielding father enraged that his daughter’s been violated.
and then somewhere along the line, i grew older, pretended i liked boybands when i really didn’t and faced bigger problems than finding a way to buy an airticket to Hollywood and look for Mr Dali Sutherland. like, oh you know, the perpetual afro state of my hair, classmates putting their pens in my nest and classroom partners snipping off my curls to paste in their books (you know who you are) and how to get boys to like me when they were so afraid of how smart i was *smug* in this aspect, it’s very sad to note a lot of boys don’t grow out of that.
then i started to hate college and stopped going, started working to find out what the real world is really like, met a bunch of potential boyfriends and many assholes along the way, in other words, i forgot about Kiefer Sutherland. when 24 first aired on tv, i could barely catch it, i almost never watched tv and was even worse with remembering which program aired when. and then a colleague lent me 24 DVDs and my love for Kiefer Sutherland rekindled. entire weekends dissolved when i sat on the sofa with the curtains drawn and i could not tell night from day, i could only tell the hours i’ve lived in 24hrs land.
Jack Bauer’s older, scruffier, carries a heavy heart but always manages to shine through with allegiance, old-school honour, kindness, love and humanity. and he keeps his word. that is too fuckable. i wanted to marry him again. Ravi offered me a ticket to Hollywood. he knows better than anyone that if i were ever to meet Kiefer Sutherland, all i’ll do is offer a handshake, look cool, tell him i love 24, and be on my way. not everyone’s as lucky as Katie Holmes.
some might argue i’m into the much older man (hence Ravi), that what i really need is a father figure, but that’s another conversation for another day. what i really need now is another fix of 24, season 6 airs in January and i know i’m gonna be scratching the walls on our living room cos there’s no way i could get my hands on those DVDs for weeks after that. i was upset Tony Almeida was off-ed in season 5 but there better be a hot Chinese dude in the next season.
Eds – let’s see if you can break my record of watching 18 episodes in a row. now, i’ll go make some roti jala for my very own button-nosed Kiefer Sutherland at home.