c*devotchka

having my Cake, eating it – and not counting every last calorie

seeing liver spots December 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — c*devotchka @ 1:26 am
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sitting here bitching to myself about the lack of good tv shows at the moment, sipping Lipton black tea like any citizen of a post-Brit-colonized era should and contemplating the different ways i will die now that i’ve found out that my Waitrose fabric softener contains amongst other chemicals, embalming fluid formaldehyde.

i would rather walk around in crispy, stiff, rough panties that chafe my luscious buttocks than swaddle myself with 5% formaldehyde. that’s 0% away from what the privileged dead are generously embalmed in. useless trivia of the day – formaldehyde makes up 5 – 29% of embalming fluid.

some days ago, i had the honour of having dinner with Ravi’s business associates when i was with him in Abu Dhabi.

Me, Hilton Corniche

i’m not sure if i was more disturbed by

  1. the alarming number of horny men at the restaurant, some of whom were pretending they were not interested in the belly dancer who dances no better than William Hung, or
  2. the two Lebanese women who were beautiful but were either cursed with bad fashion sense or a serious case of delusion with regards to size as those were not miniskirts, rather, they were nanominis, or
  3. that i had swallowed raw sheep whole (for those frequently confused over lamb and mutton, lamb is meat from sheep below a year old and mutton is meat procured from the sheep equivalent of old hags).

i’m adventurous with food unless it’s tomato ice-cream (i’ll leave that to you, E love) and didn’t see any harm in trying raw lamb, spiced raw lamb and raw lamb liver. Ravi was, without doubt, absolutely horrified that soon after that, his lips would have to meet with those which licked a bleating sheep. i’d had beef tartar (raw ground beef, spices and raw egg) before, the Brits discovered fire soon after. the taste was distinctly bland and i felt that the extra calories and microorganisms i was pounding into myself were absolutely redundant.

the raw lamb was also bland with a disgusting texture on the tongue – soft, malleable, a tad gooey. like having melted Playdoh in your mouth. that wasn’t too bad.

spiced raw lamb was very much like raw lamb, hah, except i just couldn’t taste the spices because i was too distracted by the rolling mounds of plasticine in my mouth.

the raw lamb liver mocked me with all of its deep red smooth surface from my starter plate. our Lebanese friend sitting opposite me watched as i lifted the cold liver cube up into my mouth. the regret was instantaneous and i relived the nightmare of eating Oreo cereal with fresh goatmilk all over again. the hair at the nape of my neck stood on end and my hand froze as i chewed on the rubbery square sheep in my mouth and decided against spitting it out (it’s impolite and unglamorous). the cube was too large to be swallowed immediately and i could not risk the humiliation of a very public Heimlich manouvre while men were busy covering their groins and drooling over the stiff belly dancer with ample, jiggling boobs.

so i chewed quickly and the essence of the liver cube oozed out and swirled all around my mouth. i reached out and grabbed a bread, dipped it in a large portion of hummus and stuffed it down my throat.

raw lamb liver = concentrated sheep essence. it tasted like liquid baaaa going into your mouth, i won’t be repeating this anytime soon.

Ravi, Hilton Corniche

this picture reminds me of the good old times i used to see an entire Saturday disappear when i bathed all 7 cats. they all looked as miserable as this kitty here.

cat bath

for you narcissists and psychos comfortable with talking to a videocam on a stick, the QuikPod is for you. i’m just happy my Powershot has a flippable display screen. i’m not gonna carry a stick around when i can ask nice locals to take shots for me, though most of them them do leave a lot to be desired with regards to the composition of the shot.

Quikpod

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11 Responses to “seeing liver spots”

  1. thegrouch Says:

    you have officially won the I Will Eat Gross Things title, dals.
    tomato & basil icecream is like white shop bread compared to raw lamb meat and liver.

  2. Orni Says:

    Yew…..yuckss…..faint

  3. dali Says:

    death by lamb, eds, death by lamb.

  4. stjarna67 Says:

    First of all, I just want to say how much I enjoyed this post. It evoked a lot of mental images for me. I believe that men tend to me more visual in their thinking, but they also tend to be simple creatures, too. Anyway, the combination of events you describe are the perfect trifecta to evoke primal male behavior. You can’t be any more primal than feeding raw meat to a room filled with gyrating, curvaceous women under the pretense of a business meeting. Few men pass up the opportunity to give shows of strength, vie for power among peers, eat, and watch gyrating women. The only way to make it more masculine is to either end the day at a monster truck rally or hunting.

    I’ll start by exploring the food aspect. Since the Federal Food & Drug Adminstration (FDA) prevents any exotic foods from being available to consumers in the United States, I am not sure where the selection of meats you describe falls into the average persons diet there. However, I know there can be an element of male bravado among peers when exotic foods are placed in front of them. In addition to nutritional value, men also eat foods to demonstrate their bravity, curiosity and sometimes their insanity. I have also eaten a fairly wide variety of foods (even some on a bet), most of which I would eat again. I think a few things that are absolutely disgusting include anchovies and sea urchin (served as part of a sushi dish). Sea urchin can only be described as phlegm that has been flavored with the nauseating smell of exposed barnacles at low ocean tide. I might add that its yellowish color does nothing to dispel the ugliness of eating it. While the texture of anchovies is that of slimy paste, the flavor also reminds one of the smellier aspects of the sea.

    I am not even going to get into the effects of women on men (ample, jiggly boobs aside/….not too far aside, though =)).

    -sj

    p.s. I learned that Nutrasweet (Aspertame), the artificial sweetener, will heat and age can breakdown into formadehyde…yes, the carcinogen of past choice used to preserve dead things. The current preservative used, I believe, is ethyl alcohol.

  5. dali Says:

    i stopped taking sweeteners a few years ago, i thought there might be something wrong with ingesting a chemical alternative for a natural product. i think we have yet to fully understand the consequences of the household products we use and GM foods we eat. like i said before, if i can help it, i’d like to die on my own terms.

  6. stjarna67 Says:

    Hate to sound really American here, but the picture with the white tube and mouthpiece….is that part of a hookah? how exactly do those fit into a meal?

    just curious.

    -D

  7. yes, it’s a hookah, they smoke it all the time here, before starters, during starters, all throughout dinner, for hours. that’s the beauty of a hookah, you can sit at a cafe somewhere and just puff the night away.

  8. stjarna67 Says:

    Does it give you a buzz? Is it for flavor? Is it just tobacco?

    You’ll have to excuse me but curiosity has me wondering if there is an American equivalent.

    I appreciate you answering my questions about this. =)

    thank you

    -D

  9. i’m not a smoker and i hate the way cigarettes make someone smell, but i love hookah/sheesha. there’s something sweet and cooling about it, the flavour is fantastic and it’s addictive in a very ritualistic way. it’s still tobacco and the arabs/turkish believe the water filtration system makes this a better alternative to smoking fags, but some experts are beginning to dispute this saying it’s worse than fags cos there is nothing between you and the tobacco. you can order hookahs and the tobacco online 🙂 it’s the constant care for the charcoal that’s a bitch, too much and it’s too hard on the throat, too little and there isn’t enough kick. but i love it.

  10. stjarna67 Says:

    To be honest, the hookah sounds like what is referred to here as a ‘bong.’ This is a pipe, with water in it, that is used to smoke marijuana. The only pop culture reference that I can think of right now that mentions, possibly even shows it is the 1980s film, Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Sean Penn’s character (Jeff Spicoli) is a California surfer dude who is constantly getting high. In the movie, they call it “doobage” but it is still the Federally regulated ILLEGAL substance called Marijuana (mary jane, pot, number, wacky weed, etc.)

    There is smoking around meals here, both before and after, however it is done with cigarettes. Once again, the verbage is different. Fag is never used in reference to cigarettes in the U.S., but only as a negative label for homosexual men. Anyway, much legislation has passed that has banned smoking from public buildings…and even some cities are passing ordinances that you can’t smoke in restaurants or bars within some city’s limits. We have one bar here that is smoke-free. As a non-smokers, my wife and I appreciate coming home after visiting this bar and NOT smelling like cigarette smoke as we usually do at other bars where smoking is allowed. A small few smoke cigars, which are even stinkier….especially cheap cigars…and an even smaller few smoke pipes…(think Hugh Hefner of the Playboy Magazine empire).

    It is interesting to hear about differences. However, I would say that ritualized behavior…especially with eating…are universal (albeit different).

  11. yes, we’ve heard of the bong, we’ve seen it too 🙂 some people smoke weed on the quiet in Singapore and very, very, very illegally. they take drugs super seriously there, if you haven’t already heard from famous Western media, death penalty for drug traffickers in Singapore, can’t remember the defining grams between life and death. here in Dubai, i’d rather not say as long as i’m still living here. fag’s used to describe cigarettes in UK and in Singapore, we were once colonized, see? 🙂 but we also know fags = bad bad name to call gays. there are some people who smoke cigars, personally, i hate the smell of cigars, something so pungent about it. Singapore’s started to ban smoking in public places, and boy, am i glad. here in Dubai though, HAH, looooong strides to be made, they smoke every second of the day, absolutely everywhere, in shopping malls, restaurants, everywhere, there’s really no escaping.


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