c*devotchka

having my Cake, eating it – and not counting every last calorie

why i choose to live November 30, 2006

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the beauty of staying up all through the night to see the sunset, feel the night rain, then watch the sun rise again.

Dawn at home

 

of all the things i miss the most November 28, 2006

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Niki and Beavis mew to me from miles away.

Niki

Beavis

 

go Sessa! November 25, 2006

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being the daughter my father so craved for years, i was spoilt rotten with food in the early years of my life. sweet toothed, i got every candy, every chocolate, every biscuit. have always been between 5 -10% overweight since the age of 9.

it was easy to keep fit in school, somehow always aced physical tests. but when i started working, all of that flew out the window. you get derailed by clubbing, vegetating on the sofa, spending hours at coffeeshops with friends.

once in a while, i’d enter the Gym phase where i’d overpay for underutilisation at a club. so it’s very inspiring to see Sessa the dog losing 30lbs. if she can do it, hell, any of us should be able to do it. the Arizona Humane Society saved Sessa from an irresponsible (and bloody stupid) owner who fed her beer and doughnuts amongst other ridiculous foods. she was so heavy, she couldn’t stand up and rolled around in her own excrement. here’s Sessa on the underwater treadmill – she has her own blog on her weight loss progress here.

Sessa on treadmill

cruel pet owners should be punished, punished, punished.

 

immortality in a mushroom November 22, 2006

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we reportedly spend a third of our lives sleeping. insomniacs sure don’t live more by staying up longer – but here’s something we can all count on to live just a little longer.

1up mushrooms ala Super Mario brothers!

1up Mushroom

oh, the days i used to curl up in the backseat of the car staring intently into my Gameboy speeding through 1up shrooms and killing fire breathing dragons. these days i just jump onto couches screaming at cockroaches.

growing up does that to you – it turns you into a hysterical screaming adult when faced with cunning little cockroaches. you no longer roll up a thick bunch of newspapers and run after panicked cockroaches screaming “COWAAABUUUNGA!”.

and no, they won’t survive nuclear holocausts. before you feel pleased that these little muthaf***as do eventually die, they follow you around by sensing your vibrations, honey. i know they’re important in our ecological make-up – i just don’t want to see them.

talking about total environmental elimination, i’ve been looking for places i can dump our glass jars/bottles, aluminium cans and newspapers for recycling.

Dubaiites just aren’t too environmentally conscious. either that or there just isn’t enough effort being put into raising awareness about environmental concerns – some Coke/Sprite is sold in glass bottles here and we have no idea where to return these empty bottles to, or if they can be recycled at all. have dropped a mail to an environmental NGO based here, hoping that unlike Bosch UAE who never replied to my email about where i can download a product manual for our oven (after days of fruitless googling), that they will tell me where i can bring bags of bottles and cans to.

Dubai is very cosmetically clean – but make no mistake about it, there are probably twice as many people cleaning after those who litter. littering is one of several habits i absolutely despise. it’s a reflection of absolute disrespect, total disregard and selfishness.

if you want to smoke – put it out properly and dispose of it in bins. if you want to unwrap that cigarette box/breathmints, how difficult is it to walk to one of numerous bins to throw that small plastic wrap away? we have legs, don’t we?

there are times when you just cannot find a bin. unless it’s a dripping sanitary pad or a radioactive plastic bag and you’re stuck on Everest, i do not see how holding on to it a little longer till you find that bin is going to be detrimental to your very being.

and 75% of these blistering idiots are the same people who feel sad about seals, birds, dolphins and turtles choking on condoms and bottle caps.

i knew someone once who smoked like a chimney, talked about politics and argued about the lack of democracy this and that, and talked of the irony of Confucianism in Singapore – but could not see why littering is such a bad thing, because you know, dali, there are people who are paid to clean up after us.

and that was just on litter. talking about religion, racial divide, history and humanity with people like these make me wonder …

… where in today’s supposedly advanced world of books, education, paper chasing … have … have we gone so, so wrong?

 

insomniacs r us

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you know you have a major case of insomnia when you lie in bed, tightly bound by your spouse’s arms and can only go “fuck, i forgot (to switch it off)” when you hear your mac announce loudly from the living room “it’s two a.m.” in a waspy voice – instead of jumping out of bed screaming “WHO DAT? WHO DAT?” in shock and horror. and this, 40 minutes after you’ve gone to bed.

yes, macs have the abovementioned feature for psycho loners in need of a soothing human voice to check up on them every hour to show them that iCare. if you’re really lonely, the voice checks up on you every 15 minutes. and if you’re jaded by your fellow human beings, you can select the cyber voice that sounds like E.T.’s home.

and you know you have it bad when you get out of bed and gravitate towards that voice and surf the net for english translations to your stupid oven manual (spanish – why, oh, why did i take up deutsch?) instead of drifting off to sleep and dreaming of Queen Nefertiti and her bounteous tits.

things they say help you sleep

  • warm milk – only serves to overwhelm Ravi with a symphony of farts.
  • reading – if i’m lucky enough to focus longer than 5 minutes, i get excited and read till sunrise.
  • music – provides a fantastic platform for singalongs like i’m at a karaoke joint.
  • sex – there must be a law protecting spent husbands.
  • not thinking – thinking about not thinking is enough thinking on its own.

i even made believe that the distant sound of cars zipping down the highway is really, the sound of waves crashing on the beach. i’m just not psycho enough to believe that.

i tried not to think, then i found myself thinking of ways to help local Emiratis recycle better and cut down waste.

apparently caffeinated drinks don’t help – but i’m gonna make myself a cup of Lipton tea, dip two Hit biscuits in, and patiently wait for that soothing voice to announce “it’s three a.m.”

 

Jewel denial November 21, 2006

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Jewel blasting on our mac.

“sayang, do you like Jewel?” i ask Ravi.

“erfff,” he snorts, shaking his head vigorously with a frown of distaste.

three more songs, ten minutes later, i turn – he is secretly nodding his head to Jewel.

p.s. BeyoncĂ©’s B’day album is excellent.

 

every single cent November 17, 2006

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i almost broke my arm in the tub today.
close friends know that i’m obsessive about scrubbing because i have a sebum-happy face and keratosis pilaris on arms, thighs and when God feels like punishin’ me, my bottom. mom says her keratosis pilaris disappeared somewhere in her 20s.

i’m still waiting.

i like brushes, loofahs, anything short of steel wool for scouring pots. St. Ives’ apricot facial/body scrub is my absolute favourite, but once in a while, i black out, my good sense falls asleep and i purchase a $70 scrub.

so i squeezed a healthy dollop of Le Scrub onto my wet palm and attempted to screw the cover back on. i’ve done this a million times, but today, Naughty Dollop decided to take a ride and slide off my wet palm onto the already well scoured bathtub.

and in a bagazahillionth second, i performed a miraculous acrobatic feat with full participation from unwilling arms, wrists, fingers and elbows – to catch Naughty, Naughty Dollop in mid air below chest level. had Ravi been watching, his toothbrush would have fallen out of his frothy mouth and into the sink in awe of my ability to perform a superquick exotic wet dance, and then pretend that nothing happened like as though someone was watching.

i’m switching back to St. Ives because i’ve already spent half my life with my right arm in casts and slings and i don’t need another lifetime of that.

but what is all this in the face of impending world doom? NASA’s looking for astronauts/robots to nudge possible Earth-bound asteroids into the far reaches of space. i knew this day would come – this is the only reason i’ve watched Armageddon 5 times and cried every single time Bruce Willis pushes Ben Affleck back into the pod then goes out on a suicide mission to manually detonate the nuclear bomb.

and of course – Liv Tyler. man, she’s hot.

but on a lighter note, i might have found a solution to my maternal need to keep a pet without getting kicked out of the house. everybody, meet Pleo.

Pleo

Pleo’s a scaley bundle of joy that’s come back from the bottomless abyss of extinction to bring happiness, love and world peace to us wayward humans. as usual, click on the picture to go to the website for more information, and here’s where you can see a video of Pleo putting his right hand in, putting his left hand out, and wagging his tail all about.

GITEX 2006 is here in Dubai and i’m thinking, hey, i can finally get that all-in-one HP printer and scan all my pictures, organise ’em, then hide ’em all away neatly into little cardboard boxes. my 3 year old Powershot’s still doing pretty good – i will refrain from buying a digital SLR.